The Life of a Person That Exists

I fear that being lost is becoming this recurring theme in my life. NO! Don’t click away just yet. I know you’re probably thinking ‘we’ve heard this all before, it’s just going to lead to some dark road that ultimately makes me very sad.’

Well, I’m going to tell you something I love telling people when they assume things. YOU ARE WRONG!!!! In all honesty, this post was inspired by another, less uplifting post of mine (it’s kind of nice being inspired by your own work. Gave me all sorts of pride), but it will not end up where that one ended up. Plus this one will be full of me trying to be funny, so look forward to that!

Now that you know what to expect, let’s get to the point. Being lost can suck. Wait! I said it can suck, not it always sucks. See the hint of optimism?

Sometimes, it leads somewhere beautiful. The only thing is, you won’t see the beauty in it if you lose your head and get frustrated that you’re lost. If you’re that type of person, chances are you’re not going to stop to smell the roses, and you’re going to miss the beauty that is life. You have to remember to appreciate the little things, but more importantly, you have to know when to appreciate the little things.

I have all these dreams and hopes for my life, but I have no idea which one to choose. I know you’re probably thinking ‘you never have to choose one dream. They’re dreams, that’s the point.’ Yeah, yeah, yeah, this time you’re right. Don’t get a big head about it.

Here’s the thing. I want to be a writer. And I don’t mean in my down time when I have access to the internet and can spend hours on end surfing wordpress. I mean I want to be able to see my name on an actual novel. You know, those things with pages that everyone traded in for electronic devices a while back? Yeah, those things.

Then I turn around, and I want to sing. I want to make music. I want to be signed to a label, make an album, go on tour, go on a promotion tour, live the life. You can’t have it both ways though, can you? You can’t be a real singer and then be taken seriously as a writer, it just doesn’t happen. People will take one look at your novel and say ‘what do they think they’re doing? They sing, this is a book, not a C.D.’ Do you see my dilemma?

Don’t even try telling me that if you went into a store and saw a work of fiction (notice I didn’t saw an autobiography) written by Katy Perry or . . . freakin . . . John Mayer, that you would actually consider buying it. You, a person who is obviously interested in blogging which means you must have respect for the written (or in most cases nowadays . . . typed) word. I definitely wouldn’t. I would mock it, and that’s just how I think most people would look at it, and I wouldn’t blame you.

So here I am, lost again. (You thought I forgot how I started this post, didn’t you? I’m back to it now, don’t worry.) I have no idea what to do. Most of my friends know where they’re going, what they’re doing. I need to start hanging out with idiots, I really do, because I just feel so. . . what’s the word? Just lost in comparison, they have it all figured out.

Everywhere I turn, I meet someone who just knows. They know what they’re doing, they know where they are, where they’re going, and where they came from. I barely remember what I had for breakfast; let alone decide what college I’ll go to, and how am I supposed to know what college is best when I have no clue what I would major in? You know what’s awesome right now though? High school.

Not that I’m exactly ‘popular,’ whatever that means. I am that kid who doesn’t talk much, hides behind her laptop (usually blogging) or book (nuff’ said), but I do have friends. I’m not some reject, and I don’t get bullied (bullying doesn’t really happen at my school, we’re really strict about that). It’s just. . . fun. I get to hang out with my friends, join things I wouldn’t be able to do without school, and learn things that I never thought could be this interesting. Am I a loser? Yeah, but at least I’m enjoying it.

Maybe that’s the point though. Maybe I need to just slow down, and enjoy life. I’m in the middle of a journey, most would even say I’m just beginning it. Living in the moment seems like such a nice sentiment. . .


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