In Fear of Yourself

It isn’t an original topic here at this blog, but this is something that must be revisited. Don’t worry, the same information that has already been spewed at you won’t just be regurgitated, and I will do my best to make this post worth your while.

Everyone is scared, and everyone is scared that others will judge them or not like them. There is a girl at my school that left the school because nobody liked her, but she was expecting everyone to like her whilst she didn’t even attempt to tolerate anybody. She was terrified because she wasn’t being accepted by everybody.

Isn’t this everyone’s fear? Isn’t this why we talk to people we’ve just met for the first time in a totally different manner than we talk to our best friends or people we’ve known all our lives? So that we have time to gauge what is acceptable to say in their eyes so that they won’t judge you and so that you won’t be rejected.

I understand, I am the same way. However, I am not afraid of telling the truth when it comes to things on a personal level. If people ask, I answer, end of story. I have nothing to be ashamed of and I’m not going to let anyone believe that I do. I’m not going to live my life in fear of myself.

Needless to say, it upsets me when people do live life in fear of themselves. For example, a guy who is a closeted gay, locked away in fear that society will turn on him because he starts wearing clothes that match. No one should be ashamed of who they are, you’re supposed to make yourself someone that you are proud of, it’s not supposed to matter what everyone else thinks.

No, I’m not always happy with my appearance and no, I’m not particularly fond of the way I laugh or smile or sound when I talk, but I am damn proud of the person I’ve become and I’m not going to let my self-consciousness stop that. You don’t have to love yourself, you just have to be happy with yourself.

To put it simply, don’t let any little insignificant detail about you get you down. Don’t be ashamed, because I think, just because I know that right now you’ve read through this blog and are currently reading it because at some point in time you clicked “TheOtherCategory,” that you’re a pretty awesome person.

Sometimes, we all get down on ourselves, and believe me, I know what that’s like, but you can’t let that control your life. I know what it’s like to want to hide in your room all the time so that you don’t have to face people. I’ve hit rock bottom, and I’m the only person who knows it. I’m better now, and I think everyone should know what it’s like to be someone that they’re happy to be.

An Overdue Post

I should have brought this up a while ago. I should have posted something. Although it wasn’t exactly necessary in their eyes, it definitely is in mine. These awesome people, who probably know who they are by now, posted about me (or, to me) a while ago and have kind of become the coolest internet friends I’ve ever made since. They call themselves ‘chanches’ and the blog is The Chanche Catalog, and the reason it took me so long to figure out how to write this post is because I didn’t really know how to link it that way on this site and also because I couldn’t decide what I should link.

You see, these people have individual blogs as well (most of them, anyway) and they all rock. This is the post that really grabbed my attention. It’s pretty awesome, even though it’s not posted on the whole group’s collective blog.

Not only do they read my blog, which automatically means they’re some of the coolest people in all of existence, they also welcomed me with open arms into their little friendship that they have going for them.

Now, as much as we think each other are creepy old men and internet stalkers (just a joke), they’re kind of some of the coolest people I’ve come to know.

I have posts scheduled until the end of February, so I decided to post this on a day I don’t usually post on. I just thought I’d tell anyone I can to check out these people that definitely don’t suck.

Okay, it’s hell week for my school’s production of Godspell, so I got home at 10:10 and it’s almost half past eleven now, so I’m going to turn in for the night.

Conceited Jerks

So I was in a talent show, not that I have enough talent to compete in one, I was just backing up my friend on guitar. That’s not the point, though. The point is that this was school talent show, with student competitors, who were kids.

One band got up there, according to the audience they were local heroes (note- sarcasm). Gods of rock and the epitome of perfection. No, they’re not. They’re not even a band. They’re two guitarists (who weren’t even in tune with each other, I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t even know how to tune to each other) and a drummer. That’s not a band, that’s three guys that have no idea what they’re doing.

Now, I wasn’t expecting to win, because honestly I thought there were a number of acts who deserved it more, like the actual band with a guitarist, bass guitarist, drummer, and a singer who also played the trumpet. I’m not being bitter because they got second and I didn’t, I’m being bitter because they were assholes. They asked all of their ‘fans’ to come and see their first live performance, which still isn’t my problem. You can stack the audience all you want, there were judges there who decided who won, not the audience.

What did they do that was so wrong then? Well, they got up on stage (after my friend and I the audience was chanting for them to come on) and said, I;m directly quoting here, “First, we’d like to thank the fans.” YOU’RE PERFORMING AT A TALENT SHOW, NOT ACCEPTING A GRAMMY YOU INTOLERABLE IDIOTS! Let’s continue with the list of things that pissed me off about these people. They sang All the Small Things by Blink-182, awesome song, awesome band. Now let’s explain how they screwed it up. Anyone who knows All the Small Things knows how it sounds, and you might not realize it if you’re not really into music, but it has these awesome harmonies. Even if you don’t realize they’re there when you’re listening to the album, if you hear it performed without them, you notice something’s amiss. They didn’t even bother attempting the harmonies or finding someone who was capable of singing them (cough, cough, anyone in our school’s choir program could have sang them).

I want to make it clear that I didn’t have a problem with these guys until that performance. I was literally in the hallway while they were performing, singing the harmonies so that it didn’t sound so messed up, along with the lead singer of the band that didn’t place but definitely deserved to have gotten higher than the idiots who came in second, who is a perfectly modest, down-to-earth person. Know what he did when he hit the stage with his band, in contrast with those other idiots? He introduced each member of the band and said he hoped we (the audience) enjoyed the performance. As opposed to the “I’d like to thank the fans for coming out and also (insert random freshman girl’s name here) who is wearing a red sweater (Seriously, did you have to say that? Now you look stupid). We are (insert stupid band name here) and we play music (insert ridiculously obnoxious guitars here).”

I talked to the lead singer of the band that I really liked once he got off stage, along with the majority of his band members and told them that they were awesome. The singers response? “I just really hoped the audience liked it, you know? They paid for a show, let’s give ’em a show.” Yes, that’s how you act, that’s how you talk to people. At least try to act humble, at least pretend you don’t think you absolutely hot shit.

I think they only placed higher than the other band because you couldn’t hear the trumpet when he played it since he wasn’t pointing it directly at the mic, and also the audience reaction to the first band was greater (you know, since they stacked the audience).

In all honesty, neither band was fully in tune and neither of them were totally perfect in terms of coordinating the mix of instruments, but I was definitely more entertained by the band that didn’t have an asshole for the lead singer. That’s all I’m saying.

New Years Failure

Can we just take a moment to appreciate that I didn’t write about New Years resolutions until February? (Alright, you got me you little show off, I’m writing this in January. But I already have posts scheduled to go up until February, so I’m not posting it until now).

Working out is one of those New Years resolutions that just about every lazy American has, and I am one of ‘those.’ For your information, however, I did stick with it for a good couple of weeks, and then school work started getting heftier and my brother started bringing his girlfriend over more often (he has a social life, I shall forever be alone), and play practices have been really long. If it helps any, I haven’t been eating a whole lot, so at least there isn’t this huge intake of unnecessary calories that I’m not burning off.

I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, Katie, what does your brother’s girlfriend have anything to do with your workout habits?” Well, our workout equipment (I use the elliptical, woohoo) is in the basement, which is also where my brother’s bedroom is, and it’s pretty much the only place in the house you can do something fun and still have privacy, so that is generally where they go when she’s over. I AM NOT working out while my brother and his girlfriend make out on the couch in the basement. Gross.

You might also be saying, “Hey, Katie. You’re always complaining about schoolwork. Why are you in all those fancy classes if you don’t like the work?” Some people say there is no such thing as a stupid question. Those people are what I like to call. . . wrong. Nobody likes the work, we do it because we are capable of it. We do it because our parents and teachers know that we are some of the few students that will finish our homework before coming on the internet and messing around, which means we can handle the work load.

As for play practice, I want to be healthy, but I’m not going to put my life on hold just for a few hours after school every day to be available for exercise. That would be what most people call ‘not worth it.’

You might also be asking “Why exactly do you think we care about any of this?” A couple of reasons. One, I was hoping you would cut me some slack next time I miss a post because blogging is one of the things holding me back from physical fitness (haha, I will never achieve physical fitness) and you should feel guilty about that. Another reason is that this is the place where I come to tell everyone of things that I tell no one else because no one who reads this knows me in real life, and I go through a hell of a lot to keep it that way. The last reason is that THIS IS MY BLOG AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH IT.

The biggest reason, however, is that I am a girl who has very low self-esteem and I was hoping that by putting up this statement on the internet for everyone to see, I will actually follow through with it. So here goes: I am going to work out at least every other day from now on.

*Que dramatic music*