My brother graduated recently, meaning only one thing to the rest of the family. GRADUATION PARTY!
For those of you who’ve never been to one, it’s basically a bunch of family members that hardly know each other awkwardly hugging and talking to each other, trying to pretend they actually know the name of the person they’re talking to (seriously I must have talked for half an hour with a woman I’m not even entirely convinced I’m related to).
Here is a time to mention that my family has a relatively large yard, mostly because we live in a farming area, so we have parties outdoors. This particular party started at 2 but I didn’t really go inside until 10.
My family is also very . . . Irish. By decent, of course, but Irish nonetheless. Which means lots and lots of alcoholic beverages. And I mean LOTS.
I’ll skip the explanation, but somehow I wound up with the job of bartender. . . I’m fifteen years old. I had to stay outside the entire time. This is what the ’28 Bites’ part of the title comes from.
For some reason, mosquitoes love me. I woke up the next morning with 28 bites. Four of which were in an area I’m not quite sure how mosquitoes got access to. Two are on my right arm. All of the rest are on my calves. Eight hours bar tending, 28 mosquito bites, and $75. My family consists of some really good tippers. I wasn’t paid to mix drinks, but I did have a tip jar. I think most people just tipped because they thought it was funny that I was behind the bar making at least thirty gin and tonics, and at least fifteen vodka and cranberries.
My tip for anyone planning a party outdoors this summer is this: STOCK UP ON LEMONADE I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH WE BOUGHT TWO GALLONS AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH WE HAD TO SWITCH OVER TO ICED TEA ABOUT HALF WAY THROUGH AND EVERY TIME PEOPLE HEARD WE WERE OUT OF LEMONADE THEIR FACES FELL LIKE I JUST CRUSHED THEIR DREAMS I FELT LIKE A USELESS PAPERCLIP IT SUCKED.